How many people can do it like me? ZERO.

okay i am soooo not in the mood. sorry for those people who got scolded by me, i was so irritated with almost everything. i couldn't find a quick replacement jeans, i didn't get what i want except for Fasio eye liner and my phone got barred for several times already in just a month.

and there's one person asked me about my usage and i was so pissed with his sentence. let me make you clear, i have to call people like everyday and please do understand. i don't know if you were being sarcastic or what but can you please reply that one SMS that i waited that night rather than asking me why the line got barred? pfft.

and then to this one guy, i am so sorry. it's not that i don't want your help and your concern but sometimes i just want to be alone, just for a little time. thanks for your company, i really appreciate it like A LOT.

not to mention, a best friend of mine acting like so damn weird and hiding his problem and avoiding my questions. i really don't get you this time and i have the rights to go emo too. remember that.

so many things come in a quick blink. sometimes i feel like everything is upside down, i sometimes feel that people are backstabbing me. most importantly i feel lost. that is for sure.

i think i did a few things that i shouldn't do. i shouldn't be that nice, i should be selfish for once in a while. right?

* a long huge sigh *

side notes;
&& i don't know if yous realize this but i need y'all support, thank you.

Friendly soccer game.

as this connection being stable for quite some time, i'm thinking of writing again. well it's still a hobby of mine when i'm being indoor and ultimately free.

i sometimes miss the feeling when i am so boring and i have nothing to do then i'll just grab a novel which i already read it and then read it again. it sounds boring, yes i admit that. but i'll be having my own time. my private little quality time which i seldomly have lately. oh i almost forget that i didn't even have the time to finish Eclipse, so bloody lame.

things with ACCA is okay. i got messed up a bit here and there. like being such a discreet person in meeting or wrongly divide the task and some more little things i don't even want to recall. sometimes i can be busy-er than i thought i could be.

we went to Taufiq versus Su Szen friendly game just now. they both got equal score which is 3 and then we headed back home.

so here i am, thinking of what to do next in order to satisfy every close people that i got. but you know, the probability of doing that is maybe errr 0.1? i think it should be lesser, 0.0001. NOW that is reality.

side notes;

&& Asha asked me to buy a pair of shoes that we both wanted before and now she's buying it which means i can borrow for free! yeahhh but i hope it's still there as it is from previous season.

Adventurous and stupid.

things sometimes happen so fast I can't even cope with those things anymore. but when you think about it again, why do you have to be down or sad or even think about it so much when you can live your life in another way that will benefit you more? that a question that keeps running back and forth in my mind.

yesterday was a bloody stupid day. i don't know how to elaborate more about that, but it was such an experience that i don't really think this 19 years old girl wants to live it again. adventurous and stupid will be the suitable thing to describe the situation. however it's still a day and we laughed about it after that. a big thanks to our saviour, i'm not sure if he's reading or not but still thanks. that was such a big sacrifice, really.

being commited is not really what i'm wanting for now. i want to be free, so i maybe say no as like what we've discussed. you're adorable and i'm sure there will be those people who deserve you more than i am. as long as everything keeps us away from harm, i can't even think of a reason to avoid you. and yes, i do like to change my mind just with a blink of an eye. do prepare! :)

may the best things come!

btw, Taufiq is sooo gonna get something from me. i was searching for a picture of a paper that he wrote with the highlighter ink which is supposed to be given to me by yesterday. and now he deleted the picture already :( and this is the picture of me that he took. well at least i get to upload something here once in a while!



side notes;

&& this ACCA thingy sometimes makes me feel more commited than having a boyfriend =.="

Life goes on.

sorry for my long absence. it's kinda hard to get stable connection here. oh btw, we moved to Cyberia already now and that's why. i miss MMU's internet connection :(

things are kinda awkward. i don't really know what's best for me. sometimes i want things to be this way, sometimes i don't.

one thing has been decided this evening and i'm still quite shocked with it. i don't know. it's not that i don't expect it coming, it's just hard to let go. it's just so damn tough to admit that it's over eventhough i'm the major factor why it happened that way. but i believe that things happened for a reason.

so yeah, life goes on no matter what. cheers!

side notes;
&& will pick up Aca from airport early in the morning! :D

Maid of Honour.

i thought of writing a bit yesterday about my cousin's wedding but i ended up yawning too much so i ditched the idea. nevermind, i don't really have time to talk much here but will try my best to update about the wedding.

being the last minute maid of honour was something for me. HAHA but it was an experience. seeing the video kinda made me laugh.

errr gotta go now. i have to pack my things to go to KL to send my lovely sister here *bwekk*

P/S : she pinched my ass just now and i decide that she's not that lovely nemore.

Diamond or Pearl or maybe Jade?

pheww i hope this time it's gonna work out for me. I've been pressing backspace each time i want to blog.

there's a lot of things to be told here, like A LOT. i don't know which to start. okay, gonna write what's coming to my mind now.

a short birthday wish for the people : Atiqah Iskandar on 28th May, Saifullah Iskandar on 31st May, Edy on 2nd June as Atey on 2nd June as well. a very happy birthday to all of you and I'll surely buy presents for you sister and brother, don't worry bout it.

and 2nd June is also the date where Amin and I declared ourselves as couple, so yeah Happy 2nd Anniversary tho I'm not even sure if it's appropriate or not. Hee.

exams suck so bad for me. i have a thought of getting supplementary for some of the papers. damn damn.

Sabah trip was quite fun and boring at the same time. we turned out watching Angels and Demons at 1 Borneo =.=" but the journey was fun, seeing other people's places and culture will always be my favourite thing to do. oh btw, I saw a really beautiful boot at Charles & Keith that day but my parents didn't like it so did my sister. they got a point which it's quite seasonal and I won't wear it that much. better take gladiator then!

i think that's all for now.

side notes;
&& i'm thinking of making money by myself.
&& drooling over a new Apple-shaped Jade pendant :|

Just so you know.

"If I never see your face
If wings take you away from me
And tomorrow never happens, baby
If the world comes tumbling down
And crumbles all around us
Fate turns cruel
You're on your knees
So desperate for one truth
Know that I have loved you"

Jessica Simpsons - I Have Loved You.

Feels like shit !

i am so damn tired of pretending that i'm okay on the inside, that i'm a really nice person on the outside trying to care for each heart that are involved in but at the end, i am the one who get tangled up and caught in the middle. damn damn damn damn !

can't you see that i want this as i put my effort in this? i hate it when you act like i did nothing at all. like i am the only person who have to be blamed in this case.

on the other hand, i have to hurt a person to make our plan work. it's not that easy. it hurts me too as i am about to hurt a friend. not because of my feelings or what so, if you ask me to avoid my other friends, i'll act the same.

once again for i don't know how many times already, if you can't see that i want this too, i am really damn speechless.

and now, i am so damn weak. i don't know if i can stand on my own feet now. i don't know if i have the spirit to face this again. this is tiring, damn tiring.

I CAN NEVER SATISFY BOTH !

can i just break my heart and just my heart? and i hope it will be the end of the book.

and dear, sometimes it's just too little too late *sigh*

side notes;
&& went to PD this morning and i thought i am going to be excited to update about the trip but now i know i am wrong!

>_<

things are hard to work out. i know that, you know that too. but still we can try, i still want to try to make this happens. i know i did silly mistakes, and i am so sorry about that. things happened, and i can't turn back the time.

we'll try to settle it down tomorrow okay?

side notes;
&& hope for the best solution to come tmrw!

Tweet tweeeeet !

BTW, i know i am kinda late but do follow me on twitter!

http://twitter.com/dynamite08

I think I need to be loved?

i woke up kinda early today as i slept pretty late yesterday. watched Night At The Museum yesterday at 12.45 a.m and i felt a little bit okay afterwards. errr okay maybe i'm not in the mood to tell what i did yesterday? HAHA.

let's proceed.

i feel weird now. i think i took the wrong step already but now i am too lazy to fix things up *sigh* i did some things that i shouldn't do and i don't know if i should regret or being guilty about it. sounds complicated and pathetic isn't it?

i always tell people, don't assume things. if you want to know, then ask. but i did the same this morning. then i felt down and yeah down. i thought it's time to settle a few things as i keep pretending to be okay while i'm not. i think i'm lying to myself which is the part that i hate the most. lying to people is a cruel thing to do, but lying to yourself? it hurts more than it looks like.

i don't know what i want now. i really was and am confused with myself.

but one thing, i can never satisfy everyone. that's what i know so far.

Marina said choose the one who can make you happy. but will it lasts forever or just for temporary? *sigh*

BTW, congrats to Amin as his team won their first game for NCBL today. sorry that i was late for your game. All the best for the remaining plays! :)

&& i still need entertainment or whatsoever things to de-stress myself!

:D

dear Marina,

i am writing now because of you. obviously i have no idea on what to write as many things seem to come at one time and i don't know which to start first.

heee but this is going to be just a short post. i have to get ready and get my lunch and look, it's 6 p.m. already. pathetic. my life seems to be upside down, but it's normal for exam week isn't it?

wish to see you dear. we'll catch up alright?

love you, miss you!

Love,
Kim.

*tak sempat carik gamba la, sorrryyy*

Killing me sweetly with loveeee.

i thought this problem ended yesterday already when i thought i decided the best for those people who are involved. okay maybe that sentence is quite hard to be understood. let's try on easier words shall we? i decided on something yesterday, and i thought it was the end of the problem already but it is actually not *sigh*

but today was great. i started off my day with breakfast at 9 with friends and then packed my things to go home. i went straightly to dentist instead, as i was kinda late compared to my promise to my mom. hee-hee. and then accompanied my mom for shopping and then she successfully got what she wanted and i was quite satisfied with that. had fine meal again ( i had fine meal yesterday too. it's family time, remember? ) and i was glad again as i am a person who really enjoys and appreciates fine food.

bought myself some things even i don't really have much money now but i feel like spending. it's a bad habit but i love to do that *grins*

okay yeah i forgot a part where i had a fight with this one person. i never thought of him acted that way as i never see that part of him. but i don't blame him for his behavior of course. i was and am wrong, and i admit that. but i won't take all the blame on me, i don't think i deserve that. it's up to you to judge me as a selfish person or what but i know the truth. most importantly, i know what i feel and pretending hurts damn much for us. i am so sorry that i got you involved in this from the start. i shouldn't do that. but it is fate now and i can't fight it.

follow the flow shall we? and yeah keep trying!

one good news will beeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, i'm going for a vacation! yeah with finals in less in a week, i'm going on holidayyyyy. okay maybe i was quite exaggerating it too much. i am going to Sabah for a wedding tmrw! i can't wait to open some space for myself and be better when i get back. hopefully!

see you when i see you! :)

Trying to breathe.

hye dearie blog,

i'm so pissed off with problemos that keep coming right, straightly on my face. thinking of which solutions to choose from each and everyday of my life sounds VERY pathetic. i feel like i am wasting my time to some silly things. teenagers don't really do this. i'm sure about that.

concerning about other people now also have cons. i tend to get angry and mad as i always fail to do so. it makes me wanna change into some bad human being. as i concern about people, i don't really get satisfied after that. sometimes i myself tend to get worse and it's a BAD thing.

friends are for friends. one of my friends is having problem with her special one and i really hope she'll get over it soon. my other friend seems like having a problem but she denied that so i'll try my best to keep a distance.

it's a fact that not everyone needs my help as i can't even help myself in solving my problem. but i can promise one thing, i'll be there if anyone of yous need me.

and i'm sorry for the fact that i can yell at person easily lately. things aren't that well NOW.

that day, just that day i felt HAPPY. i can sing a lot of songs in just a moment of time. ( i see myself singing in times of happiness ) but today, just today i feel STUPID. what a crazy feeling is that?

BTW, sorry to anyone who feel hurt by me. i don't know what to do in this kind of situation. and the last part of the previous post goes to you Amin, in case you haven't noticed.

side notes;
&& God, please. show me the path to choose.
&& treat people the way you want to be treated, it's a thing you have to bear in mind.

Can't Help But Wait.

fuhh~ i've done my assignments and really glad that we made it in time. and as for the reward, it's time to have some fun isn't it?

but sometimes, when you want to have some fun but you know that someone you're close with wasn't that okay, you tend to have limited fun at that moment *sigh*

okay let me tell the fun part first. it's been quite a number of nights that i've been sleeping so late as in 5 or nearly 6 in the morning after i got back from hanging out with my friends. i was and currently exhausted and feel dizzy at this moment, but the fun successfully exceeded the pain i have to go through, which is such a great idea no?

so as for today, we first went to KFC as Az-harr was being so kind-hearted and treated us 9 all for dinner. thanks, really. hee-hee.

then from KFC, we went to Downtown Cheras but nobody bought anything there. after that, we went and have rounds of sight-seeing in KL. more precisely, Bukit Bintang where you can find stuff that can make you excite in a way that you can't define. well maybe i can define it but let me keep it to myself only *winks*

from KL we went to Damansara and have cups of coffee until i don't feel sleepy enough to have some sleep at this kind of time. LOL.

but overall, i had fun. doing thing that you don't plan at all. let the flow runs, just follow the flow :)

BTW, i don't really understand why you have to do that. you know, pretending that you're okay when you're not and changing your status like everyday and saying that they're meaningless. come, talk to me if you want to make it happens. i know that i'm not being that good but i'm trying. and i know i'm being selfish to find my own fun now, but please give me time. now i feel like there's no other medium that can be used to express this feeling. sorry aite?

....

Rela ku menunggu mu
seribu tahun lama lagi
Tapi benar kah hidup
ku kan selama ini

Biar berputar
utara selatan
Ku tak putus harapan
Sedia setia

Rela ku mengejar mu
seribu batu jauh lagi
Tapi benar kah kaki
ku kan tahan sepanjang jalan ini

Biar membisu
burung bersiulan
Tenang lah gelombang lautan
Ku masih setia

Ada kah engkau yakin
ini cinta
Ada kah engkau pasti
ini tuk selama lama nya

Jangan putus harapan
sedia setia....

Insufficient.

this weekend seems not enough for me. it started with playing futsal at Puchong just for a while on Thursday night and then go lepak like usual.

Friday morning, Akak and me have to rush back home as our mom is doing some makan-makan thing at home.

the next day which is Saturday, we went to Jalan TAR ( Umi wanted to buy tudung there ) and then went to a wedding located at Shah Alam. we watched movie at night. it was X-Men 2, i forgot the long title sorry. Akak, Aman and I went to Times Square in one car and the others who were from Hartamas in one car and the other two cars from Cyberjaya were there too. so the total person there would be 13 if i'm not mistaken. we really have to go back home early and instead of lepak with them for supper, we went out with our parents.

on this Sunday morning which is today, i woke up earlier than i could expect and couldn't sleep afterwards. so i went out and bought some breakfast for family. and then get ready to send Umi and Abah to KLIA as they are going to perform umrah.

so that's it. may Umi and Abah be safe out there and are free from any dangerous affection.

side notes;
&& it's still weird sometimes. and btw, i'm bringing back my orange Crocs :)
&& Abah bought me something that i wanted for so long. i'll blog about it later!

Sinki pecahhh?

ha-ha. as refer to the title above, we were sued for an offence called sinki pecah. it is quite funny as we were told about that by an officer at the Finance unit, with lotsa other people in the room. can you imagine the officer's face when he read that to us? he was like very furious at first maybe boring a bit and then he turned to a happy face and laughed about it. LOL. people there laughed too btw.

it is getting funnier as it is a sue dated on 180907 which is 1 year and several months back? HAHA. and the offence took place at F1 which is situated in Malacca's campus like sooo long already and we just knew about it less in an hour back. LOL again.

here i attached with a slip printed by a nice hostel lady downstairs. as usual, click to enlarge :)


oh btw, we roomates didn't do it okay!

side notes;
&& btw Al, if you're reading, then check yours too aite. HAHA.

Bad things happened once in a while.

sometimes when you have this one thing in mind, and you feel guilty about it as you keep thinking about how nice things had been then you feel like telling your loved ones about that. but afterwards, you know that you made a bad bad decision to tell him and now you don't know what else you can do.

i didn't know where i have the guts to do so past few days, but i just did. and i thought with that one big step, it will somehow change us to something better. but we're getting worse.

i was trying to be honest, to tell you what i felt. but somehow, honesty isn't the best policy for you. did you realize about that?

i know i am guilty in this case, but please help me to overcome this.

you did this to me before, remember? and i was so pissed off because i really thought if u tell me first, then it'll be okay. i never had an intention to do what sort of revenge or what, please.

and don't be so sure about how i feel now. never assume me. that's what i always told you before.

shrinking

shrinking..
my space is shrinking..
ermm i guess it's shrinking..
maybe..
obviously it's shrinking..
im sure..

then it starts to fade..
fade..fade..fade..
and dead.